


Alternate

by Enchantable



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Guilt, Multiple Personalities, Pain, Self-Hatred, So much angst, Survivor Guilt, body switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantable/pseuds/Enchantable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are two souls in one body and at the end of the day they would rather die together than lose each other again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alternate

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: I don't know if it's something you'd like, but maybe Yancy merging with Raleigh in their fight, sorta like DID/MPD? Yancy isn't dead, he's just an alternate personality now.

The first time it happens, Mako thinks nothing of it.

Raleigh has a host of problems from someone dying in his head and him running before proper treatmen could be admnistered. When he goes quiet and his eyes lock on Gipsy and something shifts in his smile, she doesn’t think there’s anything amiss. She lets things be quiet between them, and by them she means Raleigh and Gipsy, she knows she’s the outsider here.

The next time it happens she gets a little worried.

Raleigh is an insomniac, has been since he was a kid. So when an alarm goes off and he sleeps through it, she gets nervous. When she runs to his room and overrides his lock she has to more or less slap him awake. He blinks up at her like she’s a face he’s seen before but can’t quite place and when he sits up his movements are sluggish as he grabs a shirt and absently rubs at his stomach. 

There are other things she starts to notice, moments when he goes quiet and then things shift. its like most of the time he’s Raleigh and the rest of it he’s someone trying to imitate Raleigh. Whoever he is in those moments he’s good, very good, the imitation is nearly flawless and the flaws are easily brushed off. More than a few people in the base are just happy Raleigh’s not drooling and rocking back and forth in a corner after saving the world and being in the Anteverse, he’s allowed a little insanity.

Mako doesn’t accept that. 

She isn’t one to accept things easily. She dragged Sensei any and every doctor she could think of, every experimental treatment he would suffer through. She took a destroyed Jaeger and brought her back to life. She does not give up easily. She researches in the library for endless hours as the quiet moments get longer and happen more frequently. One table in the library becomes hers. She ignores the exhaustion, the paper cuts, her eyes frantically going over the words because it feels like Raleigh’s slipping away and she can’t let him go.

She’s nose deep in a book about exorcisms when he comes in. 

Not Raleigh, the thing pretending to be Raleigh. She can tell instantly from the slope of his shoulders and the way his hands are shoved in to his pockets. When he looks over at her there’s a flicker of pain in his eyes that isn’t in Raleigh’s and he lingers by a shelf like he isn’t sure where he belongs. She lets out a hard breath and turns back to her book, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up as he walks over. He clears his throat and for some reason she humors him and looks up.

"We need to talk," he says.

They go to the hanger. 

She leans against the scaffold for support as he loses his imitation of Raleigh and becomes someone else entirely. Everything from his facial expression to his gestures are different. Raleigh’s guilt is a quiet, torturous thing, this person is absolutely consumed by it. He isn’t quiet either, he’s agitated and furious as he paces back and forth in front of her. 

"I didn’t mean to," he says, fixing her with a look of anguish, "it happened so fast and I—" he shakes his head, "it’s happening more and I—" he fixes her with a look of pure pain, "tell Rals I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry," he says. 

Mako stares as he closes his eyes and goes quiet. The quietness remains as his eyes open again, his posture shifting as Raleigh looks around as if he isn’t sure where he is. He looks at her and then closes his eyes, exhaling sharply before he turns to go. Mako’s hand streaks out and she grabs him before he can get far. 

His entire body tenses and she steps forward, wrapping her arms around him. She holds him tightly for a long moment. Then another, until his arms hesitantly come up around her body. She presses her face in to his sweater because she can’t look at him when she speaks.

"I know what’s going on," she says. 

He shudders and seems to fold in to her, more of his weight pressing on to her. Mako presses her nose closer to him and tightens her arms as he holds her. She mentally prays to every God she’s been told about that they keep Raleigh there, that they don’t let him go away for at least a while. When they pull back both of their eyes are wet. 

"He says he’s sorry," she says. 

"He shouldn’t be," Raleigh says.

He switches on their way to lunch. Mako loops an arm through his to keep his pace going as they walk. He looks down at her but she can’t look at him as they make their way towards the dining hall. She fills her tray with food she knows he actually likes and then walks them both back to the hanger, switching their trays. He looks at her and she glares ahead as she takes a bite, but the food turns to lead and she sets it aside. 

"I didn’t feel you in the drift," she says. 

"I hid," he says. She meets his eyes, "we didn’t switch as much before the Anteverse," he says, "all his choices were made by him."

Heat floods her cheeks and she wonders if she’s really that transparent or if Yancy Becket is just that good at reading people. The two of them sit there in silence before she attempts to eat again. Yancy picks up his own tray and they eat quietly after he mutters a thank you. She thinks it would be difficult to pretend to be someone else, especially when you don’t like the same foods. 

It doesn’t get easier. 

Mako thinks that it should, now that she knows, but it doesn’t. And it isnt that she doesn’t like Yancy, she actually likes him a lot. But Raleigh misses him so much and it seems almost too cruel that they’re in the same body now but they can’t meet. They use her to pass notes between each other, but it’s not the same. They also don’t want to go to the psychiatrist. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. Sharing a body is better than running the risk of losing one another permanently. 

Unfortunately she is both a problem and a solution. 

She’s healed Raleigh in some way, she’s starting the pieces fitting together. And even though the Anteverse has shattered them again, they’re slowly coming together. In actual multiple personality disorder it isn’t uncommon for personalities to absorb each other and Mako knows this isn’t the same, but the idea of either of them going away makes her sick. She loves them both very differently. 

One morning she wakes up in panic in the early hours and runs in her pajamas all the way to Raleigh’s room to find him sprawled out on the floor, eyes half open and unfocused.

The doctors are baffled as to how a healthy Jaeger pilot can go from alright to the beginnings of organ failure overnight. Mako knows. She looks down at the prone form and knows that Raleigh and Yancy would rather die together than risk one or the other going away. The body they share is strong, but the two of them are soldiers and their personalities are larger than life. so are their injuries. There’s a limit to everything. 

Unless you’re Vanessa Gottlieb. 

Vanessa Gottlieb who, with her baby on her hip and her heels clicking on the infirmary tiles, asks tartly why they don’t just try putting Yancy in another body. Everyone looks at her and she returns their glares like they don’t have two brain cells to rub together and points out that they have no fewer than twenty people who are in a vegetative state who have agreed to donate their bodies to science and what Raleigh has technically isn’t, well anything, except another soul that was forced in to him. 

Mako knows Yancy the best and finds what they need in a twenty seven year old former Gipsy Tech who was in a public bunker six months ago. He’s short and stocky with reddish brown hair and a scar that cuts across his right cheek. He’s got no family and like most members of the Shatterdome signed forms donating his body to science. 

They borrow the Wei’s technology, the three layer system even though initially only two layers work. The third is a blank, dull space. Mako wanders through it endlessly until she finds them. They’re young, small flickers, flames that are smothering each other and unwilling to let go. When Mako approaches they look at her warily, their arms locked around each other. 

"It’s okay," Mako says holding out her hand, "I found a way," she explains but their expressions dont change. Tears prick at her eyes, "trust me?" She says and doesn’t mean for it to come out quite se unsure. 

They nod as one and share a look Mako knows she’s not meant to understand. They untangle from each other and Yancy steps forward. His mind is a warm presence on her own, full of comfort and assurance and the fear Mako’s felt seems to disappear in the face of it. He slides his hand through hers and smiles back at Raleigh who smiles through the tears that course down his cheeks. 

"You gotta kick me out Rals," Yancy says. Raleigh looks at him, "come on," Yancy says, "pretend I’m taking too long in the bathroom," Raleigh looks at him blankly as Mako looks at them, "come on!" Yancy orders, "Raleigh!"

There’s a terrific shove and everything goes blank. 

When she finally opens her eyes, which is it’s own struggle, there are two faces inches from her own. One is quiet and steady, watching her intently. The other is drinking her in, fingers locked tightly around hers. When she opens her eyes relief is present in his, like a huge weight has been lifted away. Which is the case, since a soul must weigh a lot. Now the only soul left is Gipsy’s but that’s a burden they share between the three of them. 

"It worked?" She gets out even though she knows it did. 

"Yeah," Yancy says with a voice still hoarse from the tube that’s been down his throat for six months. Then he wheels himself to the other side of the room, close enough to be near as Raleigh sits on the bed. 

He’s still pale, still fractured, but its him. There’s no more switching, no more moments where he’ll go quiet and she won’t be able to bring him back. There’s just him and its so wonderful and Mako wonders if it makes her a bad person to be relieved that there’s just Raleigh in Raleigh’s head.

but then he wraps his arms around her and breathes her in and Mako can’t bring herself to care.


End file.
